In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
