the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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