It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
