so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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