As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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