It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
