saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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