so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
