Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
