How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
