She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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