I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
