Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
