there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
