I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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