dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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