i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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