Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize