can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
