you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
