Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
