jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
PANTIES FOUND
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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