Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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