How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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