I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
