i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
