i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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