Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
