I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
