I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
