I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Alive.
So much puke
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
