Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My first STD was from a foam party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
