dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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