Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone signed my nipple.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
