I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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