We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
