She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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