How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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