Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
