So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Panties = found
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
