I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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