You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to sanitize my soul.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
