his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
