apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
