if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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