I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
