I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sext me about skeletons
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
