If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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