you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
