I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
