I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we're making bets on your personal life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
