i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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